Welshmillie’s Weblog

Archive for March 2009

No new blog fodder so I thought I would post another funny:

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH…………

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING “WOO-HOO!” IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE’VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE’S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY’S BECAUSE “OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!”

7. WE’VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE’VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT’S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE VODKA.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID’S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT’S THEIR FAULT THAT WE’RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

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Taken from the transcript of the new answering service
recently installed at the Mental Health Institute:

“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mothership.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press – no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, National Insurance number and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep.
Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

For help with recovering repressed memories, press the number that seems most right to you, perhaps 8. But don’t press 8 just because we suggested you press 8. Just let your inner knowledge tell you if 8 is the right number to press now.

ROFL ;0)


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